Strange Whispers

I was a college sophomore then.  It was afternoon and I had just alighted from a passenger jeep at Taft Avenue near the Rizal Memorial Coliseum. 

I was waiting for the green light, in order to cross over to Vito Cruz on my way to St. Scholastica’s College (SSC).  I was squeezed by the big crowd of pedestrians, who were hurrying to avoid the rushing jeeps, cars, and buses, which were heading towards us.

A thought crept into my mind: “If you were run over by a car at this very moment, where do you like to find yourself?”  “Heaven, of course. I would like to be saved and see God face to face.”  The voice vanished, and so did my thoughts about death.

Two years later, we were marching out from the Social Hall, in caps, and academic gowns.  We headed for the chapel accompanied by organ music for the Baccalaureate Mass.  Father Riley, SJ was the homilist.  We classmates always thought he looked much like the slender version of Robert Mitchum, a Hollywood matinee idol.

I do not remember at all what he said, except for one sentence from the gospel:  “Everyone who has left houses, brothers, sisters, father, mother, children or lands for my sake will be repaid a hundred times over, and inherit eternal life.”  Those words were read a hundred times at Mass since my grade school days, but the words never struck me.  But it did hit me that morning.

A few days later was graduation day, March 21.  Earlier that morning I practiced my farewell speech before Sister Soledad, the dean.  As we left the convocation room and headed for the narrow stairs, she asked just one question:  “What are you going to do with your life?”  My life?  The future was a wide, wide, exciting horizon!  I was raring to go.  I had man plans — A, B, C, D.

1. I loved being a teacher.  I would apply to teach in a school.

2. I thought of further studies — like taking post-graduate courses.

3. I thought of going abroad and see the world!

4. But I must resolve those strange voices — “the invitation to leave all for His kingdom…”

By a process of elimination, I decided to start from my poorest choice, D.

I first had to resolve this last choice, and then attend to A, B, C in full force.

So I found myself sitting in front of the Magistra, Sister Assumpta, and tried to clarify things.  I decided to try it out for a while and applied as an aspirant, and later planned to return to my A, B, C choices.  The rest is history!

I have lived through fifty years of my religious life — to the full.  I have lived life with joy, excitement and adventure, as well as with pains and sorrow.  These are to be expected since the cross is part of the bargain of true love….

As I look back, all A, B, C choices which I left behind had all been given to me and more.  I have been a teacher, administrator; I have gone through graduate studies as a religious.  I have travelled all over the world on mission; I have seen many parts of the Philippines.  I have travelled to Rome, Germany, Switzerland, the African continent, Brazil, Spain, Indonesia, and Australia as part of my mission in the service of Christ and His kingdom.

Through the years I have come to realize that the religious life is not something — but Someone — Someone who has loved me even before I was born.  Someone who has given me loving parents, brothers, relatives, loving friends in the communities, co-workers, and my mission fields in bringing Christ to others.

I have come to realize that all that I had dreamt of, but given up, have been poured back to me — shaken together, pressed down, poured on my lap, and flowing over.  They have all been given to me by the Father, through Jesus.

Jesus is love.  And love makes all things beautiful.  And easy!

“Eternal life is this: to know you, the only true God, and Jesus whom you have sent.”  (John 17:3)

Here I am, Lord.  Is it I, Lord?

I have heard You calling in the night.

I will go, Lord, if you lead me.

I will hold your people in my heart.